Exclusive Stick

Recently I encountered something quite strange, a phenomenon really, so I thought I would enlighten all of your feeble, adolescent minds by sharing it. Last night, a female, who shall remain unnamed, cough cough, Melissa, didn't want to have sex with me. I know, I honestly couldn't believe it either. I told her that I was absolutely awesome at having sex and that my tongue was like a marathon runner and that my penis is huge and she still said no. She said "Every guy says that." I said "The difference between me and every other guy is I tell the truth and they’re full of shit." I know, good line right. She still didn't want to. I was very disappointed and distraught, almost depressed so I strolled outside of the bar and called my wife. It's ok she knows and I don't care. She was sleeping. I said "Hey, baby doll, you wanna fuck?" She said no. This is just getting ridiculous. She knows better. She's had sex with me a million times. She knows the sex is outstandingly great. She knows the vastness of my penis. I'm joking, I don't have a wife, I don't need one, I pay this old Mexican lady to cook and clean. It was just my girlfriend, who cares if you cheat on them, I don't. This is an exclusive stick I don't share with the world.

            All this female rebellion leads me to my question:

Why would a girl turn down amazing sex from an awesome dick?

I surveyed a bunch of females and these are my results.

The Asian females (8.4%) replied "Me ruv u rong time" I think that means yes I will blow you in Mandarin.

The Black females (12.7%) replied "Motherfucker...black talk ect" I'm not quite sure what her point was I don't speak monkey, so I was at a disadvantage, it's ok i can say that I used to fuck a black female.

The Mexican females (10.1%) replied by saying...who cares they’re hairy, that's gross

The White females (67.4%) replied by saying...I don't know I wasn't really paying attention...they were over the age of 20 and had small tits

In spite of all the intellectual answers I got from these females there was a few decent answers, of which we will dissect now.

Reason #1 "I'm tired"

            I've heard of this weird thing called tired, what is it? I don't understand. It sounds interesting, maybe I'll try it sometime.

I call bullshit on this one. Why? Because it's physically impossible to fall asleep when you’re aroused. It's true I saw it on Kenny VS Spenny. But J.Starr what about all those passed out girls I have unconscented sex with at parties. Well no. 1: get off your mother, she's old and fragile, you'll hurt her, and no. 2: They don't count. Drug or alcohol induced sleep is not real sleep.

Reason #2 "I don't feel good" "My head hurts" "I have a headache" "My vagina is still soar from earlier today"

            blah blah blah Bullshit! Stop whining and take it like your'e supposed to bitch.

When you experience sexual pleasure your blood stream becomes filled with endorphins. Endorphins make your body numb. Sex is a natural painkiller. I don't want to hear "But J I've already came 6x I can't cum anymore. That’s too deep, ow." Bullshit, turn back around, bend back over and take it.

Reason #3 "I've been taking care of the house all day, I just want to relax"

            Too bad. Do some coke and get over it, you’re suppose to take care of the house, it's your job as a female. Besides everyone knows house work isn't real man work anyway. Try having testicles bitch. and no I don't wanna cuddle after...cunt

            I guess apparently I didn't do a good enough job training my bitch. Obviously I'm gonna have to slap her around a little bit when I get home.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go now. Ben Rothelisberger and I are meeting some underage girls for drinks at Chili’s.

Peace niggas